What I cannot do while I grieve…
I cannot ‘get over it’ or ‘buck up’ – I know it may be very uncomfortable for you to see me this way. I am grieving and mourning and my emotions are all over the place. My loss is all I see right now with no peripheral vision. Please be patient with me and stay my friend.
I cannot ‘go back to my old self’ – That self has been changed forever. There will be some characteristics and traits that will journey with me. Everything that defined who I was before this loss has been altered, shattered and changed. Please be patient with me and stay my friend.
I cannot ‘believe this was God’s will” – Right now I am in too much pain. I am confused. I am frustrated. I am searching for answers. I am trying to make sense. I am asking ‘why’ and ‘what if’ and saying ‘if only’. Please be patient with me and stay my friend.
I cannot ‘be strong’ – Some days it takes every ounce of energy to just get out of bed or get the kids dressed or on the bus. I am not being weak when I cry or don’t answer the phone every time you call. I like it when you leave a message as I feel less alone. Please be patient with me and stay my friend.
What I CAN do while I grieve…
I can go towards the pain and mourn. You will find me listening to music that makes me cry. You will find me reminiscing through pictures and I will cry. You will find me talking about my loved one and I will cry. You will find me telling my story many times and it will make me cry. You see the connection between my heart and head has been severed. My heart if feeling everything my head can’t fathom. Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.
I can ‘be’ and ‘suspend’. You may get frustrated with me for not accepting all of your invitations to do things. You may be frustrated that I am not grieving the way you see fit. You may think I am doing it all wrong. Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.
I can honor my loved one. I can create a scrapbook, plant a garden, keep a memory trunk, make a quilt from their clothing, celebrate their birthday, have a special ornament for the tree, release balloons, write poetry, write a book, simply say their name in conversations. Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.
I can try new things. You may not agree with me in my choices and you may have your own opinion on what’s right or wrong; however, it’s up to me to learn again. My feet have to test the waters. I have to make mistakes to learn. Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.
I can find things to do that are therapeutic. I can get a massage. I can garden. I can journal. I can read. I can listen to music. I can plug into new circles of friends. I can reach out for help. Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.
Copyright – Cynthia Gossman, Grief and Relationship Coach, Life After Loss Healing Solutions, LLC