New Year’s Resolutions have a complete different meaning and place in our lives when we are grieving and mourning the loss of a loved one. Traditionally we might make resolutions to lose weight, better our financial situation, give up smoking, remodel the house, or plan that family vacation just to mention a few.
After traveling through much despair and darkness, a light, as small as it may seem, will be visible at the end of the tunnel. We must commend ourselves because, now, we know we actually found that damn tunnel. The length of the tunnel will vary for all of us. We have already survived through much of the dense fog and as it starts to dissipate the reality of our loss and is seen once again through different eyes and a different heart. Another dimension of pain may be experienced. After we have gotten through much of that pain each one of us can choose to possess ability, determination and resolution to continue traveling through the pain and rise above the fog.
When your loss is so fresh, it may be difficult for you to imagine that this pain will ever go away. It may be difficult for you to imagine what the New Year will hold or be like for you without your loved one. It may all seem so overwhelming to just think about it. You may be wondering how you’re going to deal with everything that’s facing you. In time, God’s unfailing grace will soften this pain that you are feeling and bring your heart and soul comfort, peace, and hope it needs to heal.
At some point in our journey, we will be able to make resolutions. For some it’s going to be simply making a decision to eat better, exercise and learn to rest and relax properly. For some it may be goals to acquire more education to move forward in their career or change careers. For some it might be to be more organized around the house or save enough money for clothes, remodeling the kitchen or taking a cruise. For some, more personal resolutions will be set; going back to church or getting in touch with your faith, set boundaries and limitations for yourself so you are more able to preserve your positive energy versus getting it sucked dry by the neighbors, friends, co-workers and even family.
You cannot go over it; you cannot go under it; you cannot wish it away; you must go through it. When one is in mourning it might be easier to break things down. Simply making a resolution to commit to facing the dark wilderness walking the unknown territory with no map or a language you can understand.
• Make the resolution to commit to heal. Make that commitment to face the pain and walk through that dark wilderness with companions who can walk with you.
• Make the resolution to surround yourself with positive, supporting people and support groups. You are drained enough as it is; give yourself permission to distance yourself from the negative people who drain you even more.
• Make the resolution to feed and nourish your soul, mind and body. If you can’t eat right, consider a vitamin supplement; go for walks; meditate/ pray; get a massage;
• Make the resolution to help others. You may feel you don’t have enough strength to help others when you can even help yourself but quite the contrary, helping others in turn helps yourself.
Any of these resolutions are what you are passionate about. They all lead to a more balanced, healthier you.
I wish you all much joy and peace in your hearts and love and happiness in your souls.