Grief Bursts/Grief Attacks
We don’t ever get over it…. The grief and mourning of our loved one becomes integrated into our lives.
When our loved one dies, a huge hole envelopes our very being and it is so enormous we can barely breathe and keep afloat. Through healing, processing and accepting that our spouse is gone, this huge hole becomes smaller and smaller to a size we can control instead of “it” controlling us. But it will never completely go away, nor can this hole be filled with something or someone else. So we learn to live the rest of our lives with this hole and “it” becomes integrated in our beings forever.
Grief BURSTS, ATTACKS OR MEMORIES are a part of that integration. They can hit at anytime or anywhere and last however long. And when they do you can be brought down far and hard right back to square one with the overwhelming, nauseating pangs as if it was just yesterday. Grief BURSTS can occur at any given time throughout the rest of our lives.
Where you were in your marriage can play a big role in the grief BURSTS. Facing big life changes can trigger a BURST: buying or selling a car or a home; investments; retirement; college for the kids; your child’s wedding; your first grandchild. You find yourself shouting out “you should be here to share this with me!”. Going about your daily life you can have a BURST by a sensory trigger: driving along in your car and hearing a song on the radio; driving passed a restaurant, park or shop you both frequented; smelling a particular aroma like a cologne/perfume, the ocean, the rain, or a yummy food. You could be in the grocery store and find yourself staring at her favorite ice cream or his favorite steak and thinking to yourself “I will never be able to eat that again”. Or just having a ‘déjà vu’ moment can cause you to BURST into tears ~ weeping even sobbing uncontrollably and not knowing where it came from or how to stop it or how long it’s going to last. DON’T FIGHT IT! Feel the funk and let it run its course. It’s perfectly normal and it’s going to happen whether you give it permission or not. Be compassionate with yourself and let it come out.
On a positive note, as our hearts and spirits continue to heal, the grief ATTACKS may still occur and be as painful and intense, but they will not occur as frequently. And many of these BURSTS will eventually bring more joy to your soul than sorrow.
May you all be blessed with peace and warmth in your souls and your hearts be filled with sunshine and smiles.