What I cannot do while I grieve…

I cannot ‘get over it’ or ‘buck up’ – I know it may be very uncomfortable for you to see me this way.  I am grieving and mourning and my emotions are all over the place.  My loss is all I see right now with no peripheral vision.  Please be patient with me and stay my friend.

I cannot ‘go back to my old self’ – That self has been changed forever.  There will be some characteristics and traits that will journey with me.  Everything that defined who I was before this loss has been altered, shattered and changed.  Please be patient with me and stay my friend.

I cannot ‘believe this was God’s will” – Right now I am in too much pain.  I am confused.  I am frustrated.  I am searching for answers.  I am trying to make sense.  I am asking ‘why’ and ‘what if’ and saying ‘if only’.  Please be patient with me and stay my friend.

I cannot ‘be strong’ – Some days it takes every ounce of energy to just get out of bed or get the kids dressed or on the bus.  I am not being weak when I cry or don’t answer the phone every time you call.  I like it when you leave a message as I feel less alone.  Please be patient with me and stay my friend.

What I CAN do while I grieve…

I can go towards the pain and mourn.  You will find me listening to music that makes me cry.  You will find me reminiscing through pictures and I will cry.  You will find me talking about my loved one and I will cry.  You will find me telling my story many times and it will make me cry.  You see the connection between my heart and head has been severed.  My heart if feeling everything my head can’t fathom.  Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.

I can ‘be’ and ‘suspend’.  You may get frustrated with me for not accepting all of your invitations to do things.  You may be frustrated that I am not grieving the way you see fit.  You may think I am doing it all wrong.  Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.

I can honor my loved one.  I can create a scrapbook, plant a garden, keep a memory trunk, make a quilt from their clothing, celebrate their birthday, have a special ornament for the tree, release balloons, write poetry, write a book, simply say their name in conversations.  Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.

I can try new things.  You may not agree with me in my choices and you may have your own opinion on what’s right or wrong; however, it’s up to me to learn again.  My feet have to test the waters.  I have to make mistakes to learn.  Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.

I can find things to do that are therapeutic.  I can get a massage.  I can garden. I can journal.  I can read.  I can listen to music. I can plug into new circles of friends.  I can reach out for help.  Thank you for being patient with me and staying my friend.

Copyright – Cynthia Gossman, Grief and Relationship Coach, Life After Loss Healing Solutions, LLC

·         “The cost of suffering from grief is staggering: Joy, health, vitality, relationships, creativity, productivity, clarity and prosperity all suffer.” Aurora Winter, The Grief Academy

Wrong thinking about grief has led to unneeded suffering, myths and misconceptions.  Unresolved grief can manifest as fear, insecurity, overreacting to situations, a sinking feeling, and a preference for solitude.  Chronic stress from grief can prematurely age your cells by a decade.  It can even trigger death.

These statistics CAN be improved.

As a grief and RELATIONSHIP coach, I see the struggles a griever goes through in addition to the grief from the death of their loved one.  Marriages are strained.  Parent/child relationships are hindered.   Family members become estranged.  In-Laws become Outlaws.  Work, employer/employee, and client relationships are challenged.  Anger, greed, lowered ability to understand and empathize others, fatigue, frustration all adds to the stress of it all.

Having a grief and relationship coach provides an outlet and sounding board that validates as well as offers an unbiased alternative perspective aiding in coping with and mending these relationships.  All in all, stress is reduced, heaviness is lifted, toxic thoughts are eliminated, and the sense of well being and joy is restored.

If you or someone you know is struggling…. you are not alone.  Reach out for help today.  You deserve peace and happiness.

Cynthia Gossman, Grief & Relationship Coach, Life After Loss Healing Solutions, LLC, 757-635-5379

I was so very thankful that I was a picture taking nut over the years.  For when my spouse suddenly was killed I had so many pictures to tell stories of his life here on earth.  I can remember sifting through the photo albums and envelopes of pictures that had not made it into the albums yet picking out just the right pictures to use on a piece of poster board that I was going to frame and use as a display at his funeral.  He died on a Tuesday and the funeral was scheduled for that following Saturday and it hit me about 9p that Thursday evening to do this.  It was like I was propelled and compelled so strongly to make this collage.  I had already made a collage the previous year which included pictures of Gene from a baby to present for his 30^th birthday party.  It was so very important for me to have another collage of pictures of Gene with his family, children and friends.  I did not want everyone to have seen him in the casket as their last memory of him.  As far as I was concerned, that wasn’t Gene at all…. It looked like a statue of him.

So I am up late on my bed with all of these pictures scattered across the comforter.  My oldest at the time who was 7 was sitting with me as I was trimming the pictures into various shapes.  She started helping and together we made this collage.  We picked all kinds of soft edged shapes.  We glued them on one by one carefully selecting where they should go on the poster.  I did this into the very late hours as Samantha ended up falling asleep on Daddy’s side of the bed.  The next day I went to Wal-Mart to get a poster frame.  It was ready.  I had two collages to display at the funeral. 

Later on, after the funeral I hung both of the collages low on the wall in the den so that all the kids could go up and see Daddy and talk with him whenever they wanted.  Samantha was 7, Nicholas was 5 and Kayla Pearl was 2.  Nicholas enjoyed the collages the most as he would frequently go to the collages and one by one study the pictures and then in his own way look up in query as he still does today and in his own language have conversations.  I do believe Nicholas had a special gift and was able to communicate with his Daddy in some other way than the three of us girls ever have. 

These collages remained on the wall for several years.  The Easter following their Daddy’s death, I put together “The Daddy” book.  I had asked everyone I could think of that had known Gene to submit a story or testimony of their relationship with Gene.  I got so many and was so thankful that people were strong enough to participate in this project.  I knew the kids would not be able to grow up hearing their Dad tell stories over the years and this way, they could have something that could promote the wonderful human being their dad was in the eyes of others.  Some included pictures that I had never seen and they went in the book too.  Eventually, the frames to the collages started cracking so I moved all the pictures to the Daddy Book.  The kids (and now my granddaughter) look at it and read the wonderful stories and have all of these wonderful pictures.

On the other hand, the first Christmas after Gene passed away, my family was not the five of us anymore.  My family was redefined and labeled.  There were only four of us now.  For some reason, getting family picture recording that fact was very compelling.  I HAD to get a professional picture taken.  I remember matching our outfits to a black and white theme and relying on K-Mart or Wal-Mart for the pictures.  I was still in shock, numb, disbelief and on ‘auto-pilot’ preparing for this event.  As usual the kids protested at first (no kid wants to participate in a family photo).  I remember holding back the tears as I loaded up the kids in the car.  It seemed to take forever driving to the studio and then in slow motion once we got there and getting the kids inside from the car.  I honestly do not remember the shoot itself other than the person who was taking the picture looked so young and I got the feeling of her not being too experienced.  It was all the same to her.  She didn’t know the meaning behind getting this photo taken.  She didn’t know what our family had been through.  She didn’t know we all were struggling with our pain.  I had to keep my strength up and put my happy face mask on to get through this ordeal. 

So, we succeeded in the family photo.  I even got individual shots of the kids.  To this day (14 years later) the kids are framed up high on the wall in the den and our ‘family’ photo framed up high in the living room.  Looking at those pictures today represents the new chapter of our lives we were thrust into.  We stumbled, cried, hid in bed, yelled, and protested.  However, over the years we have also remembered with joy, reminisced with laughter, and honored with pride.

Pictures say so much.  I encourage everyone to take as many pictures today recording your life which can be the stories to tell down the road.  When Gene and I got married, we did not hire a professional photographer.  I regret it to this very day.  I suggest if you have to cut corners planning a wedding, do not cut on the photographer. 

Recently my youngest daughter had a photo shoot for her senior portraits.  The photo shoot was spectacular.  We hired Devon Shanor with Devon Shanor Photography.  Devon met us at First Landing State Park and shot pictures of Kayla all over the place and in different outfits.  She is fabulous and talented.  She is experienced with a keen eye for lighting and posing as well as sensitive and nurturing to the feelings behind the photos.  Please keep her in mind at your next occasion you are looking to hire a photographer. Check out her website www.devonshanorphotography.com

As a Grief and Relationship Coach, I work with people enriching their relationships with others, some as a transition from life to death; others with people alive and well.  This is an example of how I help my clients “deal with difficult people”

You can’t change them.  You may not be able to cut them out of your life.  You have to learn how to live ‘with them’.

Now mind you I am using this example not to exploit my son with special needs and to open people’s minds about a different perspective and to check your ego at the door.

Recently, I was at Little Caesars with Nicholas and my granddaughter, Lily who is 3.  We go there sometimes after cheer practice and pick up a couple of pizzas ready to go.  This particular visit was much busier than usual.  There was an actual waiting line.

Upon entering the store to the right of the counter is a drink case in which they sell big 2 liter bottles and personal size bottles.  Well on Nicholas’s defense when we shop at Wal-Mart, he is rewarded with a drink upon checkout if he’s been a good guy.  So…. Nicholas thriving on ‘routine’ immediately associates we are at a store and he wants a drink. 

He asks in his way by pointing to the case, signing drink, and has the query look on his face combined with a hopeful, soon to be satisfied smirk.  I say ‘no’ we have drinks at home, we are just getting pizza today.  He says nooooo, shakes his head back and forth and looks down.  He asks again.  I say no.  He’s NOT happy.  He is growling his noooooo loudly now.  While having Lily on my hip, I get close to Nicholas and firmly talk in his ear prompting him to make good choices and be a big guy with good behavior.  Needless to say THIS circumstance is going to escalate and a meltdown is about to begin.

He now is determined to get that drink and begins to open the drink case.  I am forced to stand in front of the drink case to block it.  It doesn’t end pretty.  He punches the glass door.  I get a little firmer and sternly tell him not to punch the glass and MAKE GOOD CHOICES.  Mind you I am not raising my voice.  As if he was a toddler, he drops to the floor in fetal position and is crying and screaming.

Now, please keep in mind, I am not playing a power play with my parental authority and simply being the boss and saying, “no drink, because I said so”.  I only had enough money for two pizzas and tax in my pocket.  I had no debit or credit card with me and no extra money to pay for the drink.  Nicholas is not going to understand that!

So, here’s the picture and I want you to ask yourself how would you feel?  What thoughts are going through your head?  What’s your body doing?

We are waiting in line in a very small pizza shop.  The place is pretty packed with a mixture of people including other kids.  I have a three year old on my hip and my 20 year old son (who’s about 5’4”) is on the floor having a meltdown.  Our name is called, our pizza is ready.  I go over with Lily on my hip and pay for the pizza.  I have Lily on one side and pizzas in the other hand.  I say to Nick is an upbeat inviting voice, “Come on, big guy, pizza is ready it’s time to go home and eat and get a drink.”  No, go.

So, I go to the car.  Put the pizzas on top of the car.  Get Lily buckled into her car seat.  Put the pizzas on the front seat.  I turn to go back into the pizza store and notice most of the people inside are just staring at me.  I go inside and go over to Nicholas who is still on the floor in fetal position and his loud screaming and crying has turned this steady “waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”  I try to pick him up by his arm and he resists.  Well, he’s too heavy and too strong for me to just lift him up and hike him over my shoulder, so I have work with him and coax him enticing him with encouragement words to make good choices, get up and let’s go home.  He finally gets up and gets in the car.

Ok…. How are you feeling?  How does your body feel?  Are you tense; fuming; feel like punching something? How does your ego feel?  Are you embarrassed; pissed off; ashamed? Do you feel like you are being judged with all the stares?  A situation like this can be very toxic.   You could possibly become irritated, frustrated, angry and think things like, “Not now.  Not again.  Why are you doing this?  Why are you doing this to me?” You might be getting mad at the other people for staring.  You may even go as far as throwing the pizza in the car and plopping Lily in that car seat without realizing you are being aggressive  - guess what, it’s not about ME/YOU!

When we are not in control of a situation that goes the way we do not want it to go, a need is not being met.  And everything and more that I just mentioned about can be a habitual, reaction.  We react and respond with a sense of flight or fight desperateness.  Feeling helpless, frazzled and out of control. 

Many without my coaching may react this way:  Start yelling at Nicholas, pitch a fit ourselves thinking how dare you defy ME!  Our body language becomes hostile and some may even get physically aggressive with their kid on the way to the car.  Inside the car, there could be yelling and belittling and flying off the handle.  Now you are driving and we wonder where road rage comes from.  Get the picture?

With my coaching some may learn to choose to react this way instead:  Keep calm and firm.  Be patient with Nicholas while encouraging him to make good choices.  In reality, he’s not going to stay in fetal position for ever.  This is a temporary situation even though it feels like it’s going on forever.  Once in the car, saying nothing at all, or reiterate that that behavior is not acceptable and I know you are capable of being a good guy and making better choices.  Taking a deep breath before driving off.  Maybe turning on the radio for music to distract or turning the music off for quiet depending on your comfort level.  Being in the moment, knowing you have to get home safely.  Saying a prayer for patience.

You see when someone is being difficult with you there is a need that isn’t being met for them!  It’s not about you.  Nicholas wanted the damn drink, period.  Was his behavior acceptable? NO.  Was it something I could control? NO.  Was it going to last forever? NO.  Fighting fire with fire gets us nowhere and only gets our own blood boiling.    

You may not be in control of the situation or another person and YOU CAN be in control of yourself.  Would you rather drive home from this experience full of rage and adrenaline or drive home frustrated yet with a sense of calmness?

You may not have a special needs adult child and you can see how this shift in perspective, patterns and behaviors can indeed make a big difference in the moment, your day and your life.

Now, here is one of the best benefits you get with me as your coach…. Reflecting and thinking back to what just happened.  What good came out of that?  I like to believe that there maybe was another person at Little Caesars who witnessed this, who maybe is a parent too, and was taught patience and acceptance.  Maybe God utilized me and Nicholas as teachers to help another.  You see we never know what gifts come out of our struggles.  Sometimes the gifts are for others.  How cool is that?  YOU ARE NOT VICTIM – YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!

http://www.tidewaterwomen.com/featured/april-2013/good-grief-why-griefwork-is-important

If you or someone you know is grieving a recent loss, you might be confused about the grieving process. While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are many myths, misconceptions, and misperceptions regarding the grief and mourning process.

Society is full of judgments and stigmas that can make dealing with grief unnecessarily more challenging and difficult. Many belief systems say to use your head in healing from grief when it’s necessary to use the heart.  Becoming familiar with these myths and misperceptions can ensure a better experience both for the person grieving and those around her.

TOP SIX MYTHS
• “Time Heals All Wounds” – This creates the idea that a griever just has to wait and he or she will feel better. I’ve known people who waited 10, 20, 30, and 40 years and still didn’t feel better. More likely, they would tell you that not only did time not heal them, but that it compounded the pain.

Grieving is hard work. There’s no going over it or under it—a griever must go through it. A griever feels a flood of emotions that demand attention without warning, predictability, or order. Without guidance and support, this flood can turn into emotional warfare.

Healing begins when the griever has a safe place and permission to feel pain, disbelief, sorrow, and even anger. Healing continues when the expression of emotions are mourned. Mourning starts with the funeral or memorial, honoring memories, and the power of telling the story.
• “Grieve Alone” – Isolation keeps the griever stuck and emphasizes the feelings of going crazy wondering if anyone else understands. A griever benefits by being with others who will listen without judgment, offer love and kindness, and offer reassurance that the griever is not alone.
• “Be Strong” – Judgments, stigmas, cultures, religions, family dynamics, and generational belief systems can actually lead the griever on the path to not healing. What defines strong? Grief is a form of love. Love is an emotion. Grief is an emotion. Stifling emotions (crying, for example) can manifest in physical health problems. Grieving and actively mourning is one of the strongest things a grieving person can do.
• “Don’t Feel Bad” – This gives the impression that the griever is not allowed to be sad, angry, or frustrated. It can create confusion as to whether or not the grieving person loved his loved one enough, which can lead to additional guilt. It encourages the griever to shut down his emotions. People can be uncomfortable being around a griever who is expressing struggling emotions. They do not know how to help relieve the griever’s pain. Listening and loving helps tremendously. Living a healthy balanced life involves feeling all emotions and channeling them safely.
• “Replace the Loss” – Replacing the loss devalues the person who was lost as if she were readily replaceable—or worse never existed. This is not comforting to the griever. This can exacerbate the feelings of sorrow and devastation and impose explosive feelings such as resentment and anger. The griever’s solution is not first to replace what was lost, but rather to heal the heart.
• “Keep Busy” – It’s not about a lot of action, but the right action. Keeping busy doing the wrong things can spiral out of control and move the griever away from being an active participant in grief and mourning. A griever can pay now or pay later as grief will catch up and demand attention.

LOWERING EXPECTATIONS
Addition myths, misconceptions and misperceptions include understanding the capabilities of a griever. Here are a few things the griever is not capable of:
• Getting Over It – Society is not equipped to see the griever upset for very long and has a misperception that being stoic and strong is the answer instead of crying and mourning. On the contrary, grief is a process, a journey that recognizes no timetable or finish line. Grief transforms itself and fluctuates over time.
• Forgetting Your Loved One – It is very unhealthy and nearly impossible for a griever to forget her loved one. It’s impossible to pretend a loved one never existed. Most grievers think of their loved ones on a daily basis, no matter how long ago they passed on.
• Moving On – It is impossible for grievers to move on as if nothing ever happened when the very foundation their lives were built on has been shattered.
• Getting Back To Your Old Self – A griever is forever changed after a major loss. She is no longer the same person. She is thrust into a new normal that takes time to discover and handle.
• Stop Hurting Completely – The griever wants to stop hurting as much as the people around her want her to. However, grief bursts will continue to erupt. As life continues, so do the family get-togethers, holidays, and anniversaries. These life events can be the catalyst of a grief burst just as much as a rainy day.

TAKING BABY STEPS
There are, however, some things a griever is capable of:
• Integrating Life, Loss, and Love – A griever can learn to live with her loss and learn how to embrace, engage, and connect as she integrates her loss into a new chapter of her life.
• Moving Forward – A griever can move forward with this integration and develop a willingness to live life on purpose and restore joy.
• Remembering and Honoring – A griever can integrate memories of her loved one into their future. Some ways to honor your loved one include planting a tree or garden; making a donation to a favorite charity; creating scrapbooks celebrating life stories; creating new memorial traditions; and simply using your loved one’s name in conversations.
• Embracing a New Self – Grievers can learn that part of them has died and they’ve been forever changed. They can discover a new self—ready to emerge. This is a great opportunity for growth and healthy choices.
• Channeling Pain into New Energy – Grievers can pour their pain into new missions, passions, callings, and purpose. They are equipped to reach out with compassion and empathy.

Written by Henry Neils, President

In some ways it was a typical breakfast meeting.  The waitress was pleasant, the eggs were average, and the restaurant was full of busy people. We shared a cup of black, coffee-like substance, and the first few times my client took a sip he managed to spill quite a bit of it. His trembling hand was just one of the symptoms of his burnout. That’s why we were meeting. He wanted to know if I could help him.

I picked up a fork and explained that as long as I used it for eating, the fork would last indefinitely.  However, if I began to use it to drive nails or dig trenches, it would soon break.  The key was to use it for what it was designed to do.

The look in his eyes told me he got it, but I still went on to say that people are like the fork.  When they do what they are not designed to do, they eventually break.

Sure enough, his MAPP showed that he was designed to work on projects where there was a definite goal.  He derived immense satisfaction from reaching goals.  He also needed to work by himself about half the time.  He was a scientist and enjoyed lab time, doing calculations, and interpreting test results.

What his job required on a day-to-day basis was another story.  His primary task was to supervise a dozen people and maintain operations.

No goals.  No projects.  No time alone.  Consequently, his job was sucking the life out of him.

Much credit for his recovery goes to his boss who was willing to change the job content to fit the design of a valuable employee.

So how do you know if you, a loved one, or someone who reports to you is suffering from burnout?  Here are the early warning signs.

1.  chronic fatigue – exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down 2.  anger at those making demands 3.  self-criticism for putting up with the demands 4.  cynicism, negativity, and irritability 5.  a sense of being besieged 6.  exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things 7.  frequent headaches and gastrointestinal disturbances 8.  weight loss or gain 9.  sleeplessness and depression 10. shortness of breath 11. suspiciousness 12. feelings of helplessness 13. increased degree of risk taking

Take a close look at what is said about you in your MAPP, and what you are naturally motivated toward with regard to your work.  Sometimes a simple change at work can help you avoid many (if not all) of the early warning signs of Burnout.

Perhaps, you may know someone who may have some of the early warning signs and could benefit from the MAPP.  Here’s a quick link to invite them:  http://www.Assessment.com/RAF/TellAFriend.asp

Next time we will talk about how to handle a career makeover,

Henry

Hey, Richard here….

I’d like to give you today some quick ways you can give yourself an Instant “Mood Boost!”

Because there’s no doubt about it…

Just by making the smallest changes, and taking as little as 5 minutes from your day you could be surprised with the difference it can make. It doesn’t have to be anything outlandish, just something you wouldn’t normally consider doing!

Here are some tips to help give you that “quick mood boost” and can be done whenever you’re feeling out of sorts with the world or feeling a little down…

If you have 5 minutes to spare you can:

- Take out your daily goal planner and write something down that you already completed today and cross it straight off the list

- Take the weight off your feet and eat one of your 5 daily portions of fruit or vegetables.

- Look at yourself in the mirror and pull as many different funny faces as you can in 5 minutes

- Read the comics in the daily paper

- Take a quick shower or at least splash your face with water

- Use some of that expensive perfume or cologne that you bought for special occasions.

If you have 15 minutes to spare you can:

- De-clutter your desk or an area of your home

- Treat yourself to a moisturizing mask

- Change into a favorite piece of clothing and admire yourself

-  Do a few quick and easy exercises or stretches

- Read a few pages of a book or magazine you enjoy

- Make yourself a big fresh fruit smoothie, sit down and enjoy it

- Make a list of all the people you haven’t been in touch with in a while and schedule a time to call each of them

- Write down what you have enjoyed doing so far during the day in your journal

- Find a comfortable spot, close your eyes and enjoy the silence, sound of rain or chirping birds

If you have 30 minutes spare you can:

- Call someone you haven’t talked with in a while and catch up on all the gossip you missed

- Use your computer to look for ideas for your summer vacation

- Take a soak in a tub full of your favorite bubbles or bath salts

- Listen to your favorite CD

- Go to your local store and treat yourself

- Go for a walk and say hello to everyone you meet

- Turn off the TV, phone and anything else that could disturb you and sit down and meditate or just enjoy peace and quiet for a half-hour

- Plan a quiet romantic meal

- Write a letter to someone special and mail it

- Discover a new recipe on the Internet and plan to cook it for dinner

- Replace any old photographs you have in frames with more updated pictures

There you go…I’m all out!

What do you do when you feel the need to boost your mood? Please share….

• Time Heals All Wounds
• Grieve Alone
• Be Strong
• Don’t Feel Bad
• Replace the Loss
• Keep Busy

Just looking at the myth that “time heals” creates the idea that a person just has to wait and they will feel better. We have known people who had waited 10, 20, 30, and 40 years and still didn’t  feel better. And, we know that they would tell you that not only had time not healed them, but that it had compounded the pain.  The other five myths carry equally unhelpful messages.

Stay tuned for my blog series that will help to demystify myths, misconceptions and misperceptions of the grief, mourning and healing process.

Grief. What’s Normal?

The American Psychiatric Association is about to publish its long-awaited 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

Much controversy has swirled around this decade-long overhaul of the “bible” that psychiatrists use to diagnose patients, including the decision to equate normal grief with clinical depression.

We view this subject as so important because our chaplains deal with grief all the time.

“That proposed modification,” writes the Los Angeles Times, “would allow mental health providers to label the psychic pain of bereavement a mood disorder and act quickly to treat it, in some cases, with medication.”

The editors of the British medical journal, The Lancet, have come out in strong opposition to the new language, calling grief a natural and healthy response to loss, not a pathological state.

“Grief is not an illness. It is more usefully thought of as part of being human, and a normal response to the death of a loved one.”

Writing in PlainViews®, HealthCare Chaplaincy’s online journal for professional chaplains, Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, founder of the Center for Loss and Trauma, agrees: “The DSM-5 change increases the likelihood that grief will be misdiagnosed as Major Depressive Disorder in the most vulnerable of all populations, and that bereaved parents and other grievers will be prescribed medication for symptoms which are actually a normative response.”

The current edition of the diagnostic manual states that if a patient’s low mood and energy, sleep difficulties and appetite changes persist for more than two months following bereavement, a diagnosis of depression might be considered. An earlier edition of the manual had established a year as the period during which mourning should not be confused with depression.

“Putting a time frame on grief is inappropriate,” The Lancet’s editorial states.

Professional chaplains are trained to help people cope with their grief, walking with them through the many stages of their sorrow. The settings are many:

• As members of a palliative care team, chaplains engage persons in their anticipatory sadness of living with a chronic or terminal illness
• In emergency rooms, chaplains provide care when families are informed of the sudden death of their loved ones
• Hospitals, hospices, and long term care facilities rely on chaplains to provide spiritual support when end of life occurs
• Bereavement support groups, led by chaplains, provide a community for mutual support and education on journeying through the many “next steps” of coping with grief

Professional chaplains know that grief is not an illness nor is it a mental disorder. It is a natural, painful part of life that challenges one to relearn the world without the one they loved. Chaplaincy care is an essential part of care to persons in grief.   END

This article speaks to my heart and soul as I (as well as my children) have experienced deep raw grief and know that 95% of the clinicians in the “psychiatric industry” succumb to the powers of the pharmaceutical companies and regulations of the insurance companies.  Agreeing that there are people in our world that have complicated grief along with mental and/or emotional illness I support pharmaceuticals when needed.  What I don’t support are the fine lines and gray areas in which people can be misdiagnosed and put on unnecessary medications.  I love what I do because it has been proven to me that often times, grief (of any kind) can be relieved, reconciled and recovered with love, compassion, a non-judgmental safe place to process, encouragement, and honoring with a bucket of tools and coping skills.

First step, is to love YOURSELF and believe YOUR existence is valued and purposeful.
Second step is to join us for an evening of hope, inspiration, and rejuvenation; lifting your spirits and living a life of joy.

Learn my “EMBRACE, ENGAGE, CONNECT” method of healing.

A Special offer will be available that night to my 7-Step “Happiness by Choice” Method.