Not only is society hard on the “widowed” about finding another love and conforming into a couples world, but so our we on ourselves and each other. No we didn’t ask to be left alone. No we don’t want to stay alone. But we can make a choice to be proactive and utilize this time alone for ourselves to rebuild, mold and grow into someone who we want to be!
After the initial crippling emotions start to subside a little can we make choices to better ourselves and get healthy so we are not so dependent on needing a partner in our lives. So that when and if someone special comes along again, they can be the icing on the cake, not the cake.
We may look upon others and see that “oh, she’s been alone for a while”, or “he hasn’t found anyone yet” and prejudge and automatically think they are unhappy or it’s a bad thing to still be alone. We really shouldn’t judge others until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Maybe they have been working on tremendous personal growth. Maybe that person has had some relationships that served as stepping stones. Maybe that person has had some family situations that left their plate too full to even remotely think about having another relationship. For example, I’ve been widowed for a while and yes, I have had a couple of relationships. No they weren’t “the one”, but they were learning experiences. But more importantly, I look back and realize it wasn’t the time to find ‘the one’ either. I have had some family illnesses and deaths throughout the years as well as the passion to start a new career path and the wonderful privilege of ‘being there’ for my three kids. Some of you may be widowed for shorter or longer periods of time yourself, and still alone, but look into your own world and see what you have accomplished. Some of you may have gone back to school and gotten your degree. Some of you may be finding yourself for the first time. Some of you have simply developed new friends and enjoying a social life for the first time in your life. Some of you may have discovered inner strengths and passions you never knew existed and you want and need to dedicate your whole being into those new passions. Being alone isn’t always a bad thing.
I feel the ultimate is to be thoroughly happy within yourself about yourself while being by yourself. Then, when you are truly happy, you can give the most to someone else and have a much better relationship.