• Am I ready to date again since my partner has died?

    Posted on February 16, 2012 by Cynthia Gossman in Beyond Bereavement.

    Several years ago I had the opportunity to conduct a poll with a group of widows and widowers who were contemplating dating again.  Here is a quick synopsis of the results.  Feel free to add your thoughts and/or experiences. 

    1.  “Practice” – helps with the comfort level of dating.  Get yourself out there and try.  The more you practice just conversing and mingling with the opposite gender, the more comfortable and confident you will feel and it won’t feel so foreign.

    2.  “Rules or Etiquette” – Whom is supposed to call whom; Do the same old fashioned ‘rules’ apply from when we were teenagers?  JUST BE YOURSELF.  Be honest and don’t hide yourself.

    3.  “How do I find someone?” – Again be yourself.  Participate in activities you already like and don’t worry about ‘ finding’ someone.

    4.  Some may feel ‘guilty’ or like they are betraying or cheating on their deceased spouse.  This is normal and this is okay.  Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. 

    5.  “Beware of becoming ‘BLINDED’ and settling. – So many of us have felt rotten for so long, we can tend to overlook flaws shouting out at us because it feels so good to have someone paying attention to us again.  Don’t ‘hold on’ just to avoid the pain of being alone again. 

    6.  “Feeling like a teenager again” – some of us are reliving our youth again and loving every minute of it.  Some of us are living our youth for the very first time and have no idea of what to do.  Be yourself and remember, what you project, you attract.  Be yourself and be honest.

    7.  When is it “Time” to date again?  Only you can answer that.  Give yourself time to find yourself and realize your values and build your self-esteem and self-confidence.  Sometimes it’s not our outer appearance that is attractive, but our inner happiness and security.

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