The following tips are not only derived from my own personal experience but that of hundreds of fellow widows that I have had the JOY of walking with on their unique, individual journey’s of widowhood.
Refrain from making major decisions for at least a year. Your focus, concentration and rational thinking have been compromised. Plus, you may not remember a year or two down the road where you put the paperwork. This includes and not limited to: buying/selling property and vehicles, making financial investments, extravagant spending on items or vacations, and lending money to family/friends/business ventures.
Do not isolate yourself – You are already feeling isolated and alone without your spouse, you need not grieve alone. Talk with friends and family that will let you rant, vent, tell your story on repeat, cherish memories and speak their name without judgment. Join a support group and meet others who have experienced a similar loss. Seek professional help with a certified grief coach or counselor.
Ask for help – You are now responsible not only for everything you were used to taking care of but now all of your spouse’s roles and responsibilities. Cash in with all of those people who said, “You just call if you need anything”! Ask for help around the house, the yard, with the vehicles, the kids, etc.
Refrain from dating – I know you are lonely and crave touch and companionship. But you are a mess! You’re heart is shattered. What do you really have to offer to someone else at this time? You may attract someone who is more broken than you and then find yourself having to ‘take care’ of them when you hardly have enough strength to take care of yourself. It’s better to be alone than with someone else in an unhealthy relationship.
Honor Grief Bursts – to grieve well is to mourn well which leads to living well. In addition to feeling the emotions it’s a good idea to practice mourning – grief gone public – by journaling, singing, crying, painting, gardening, praying, walking, reminiscing with pictures and saying your loved ones name; it’s therapeutic to release your emotions through action.
Practice Self-Care – It’s tough to take care of your SELF while taking care of others AND it is a necessity! It’s vital you replenish your dry well. Not one other person can do it for you. Self-care can mean hiring help with chores and babysitting. Self-care can include walking, indulging in a warm bubble bath, getting a massage, drinking plenty of water, eating comfort foods in moderation, get extra sleep by napping, visit the beach or lake anything in nature. Listen to music vs. the television. Replenish thy self with positive energy not negative energy.
It is my passion and mission in life to help others, not just the widowed, process and heal from the loss of a loved one. My prayer for you is that you find comfort and hope in this blog and that your souls will be filled with love and joy and your hearts filled with peace and happiness.
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Grief Coach, Joy Restoration Coach, Emotion Strategist, Trainer, and Motivational Speaker
Hi, I am Cynthia. I have been where you are. I am proud of you for finding this site because that means you have reached out for help. I know how difficult that is. My passion is to walk YOUR walk with you. To companion you through the forward and backward steps and all the ones in between as you begin to heal and rediscover yourself and a new life. To LIVE well you MOURN well. To MOURN well you LOVE well. To LOVE well you LIVE well.
Cynthia's life experiences, her demeanor and education make her the perfect counselor! She is comforting but challenging; understanding and encouraging; and best of all she cares deeply about others and helping them through the challenges that life brings.
She has taught me how to move on in life and have feelings for another.. i know how it has gotten me through all the hate i had through the hard times....
Cynthia is a great listener. Her patience and experience are very helpful to grieving people who don't know how to live with this new status and life. Even though a member's loss may be very different from hers, Cynthia is able to give them some experiential perspective, and let them know that if they're willing to accept this change, they can build a happy life for themselves.
The experience of having someone there for me who understood made a major difference in my life. I slowly began to feel connected to the world again instead of feeling like I was on the outside looking in at other people. The education that Cynthia provided also helped me to feel empowered--"I can take care of myself."
Cynthia is not (nor has she ever been) just a coach or mentor. She's my friend. I know that, even now almost 8 years later, she is still there for me if I need her.
Being able to talk to someone that has already been in the phase of the grief journey that I was going through made it easier to get through each day.
I can welcome love into my life, most recently in the form of my precious grandson, Ethan. I feel happy looking forward to the future. There are times when a cloud will come over my life and I get sad missing my husband, but the cloud only stays a brief time. I have learned how to embrace the cloud remember my loved one and then let the cloud float away again. The clouds come so much less now than they did in the beginning. Through Cindy's guidance you learn how to live through those moments and then embrace the joy of life again. I'm blessed to have found Cindy early in my grief journey and have her walk it with me, teaching me the pitfalls and how to navigate them so that they aren't so dangerous. I live my life to the fullest most every day.